Santa F

Santa F's The Hash 2008

Reading Hash #692

12/15/07

The Veteran's Day Sausage Fest Hash #691

Hare - Over Exposed

Wow, did I pick a bad day to stay sober.

What a complete Sausage Fest this Hash turned out to be. Eleven Wankers, and one Bimbo, me, Yeast of Burden. Come on Reading Bimbos! Where the Fuck are you??? You missed all the fun!

Anyway, the Hash started in beautiful downtown Reading in the heart of Schlegel Park. You have to say this as if you are gurgling cum, since most of the visitors to the Park are doing just that.

Deathwish and I pull up to the sight of OE, alone, in the Parking lot. He looks so sad and lonely. And why is he sitting next to Dancing Fool's car? Oops, that's not Fool's car! Damn OE, you have a whole lot of shit in your car. Are you living in that thing?

Finally, the Hashers start to arrive. As the Hash starts gathering, many frustrated Johns and Crack Whores pull away due to the occupied parking lot. Too bad, I think a lot of the Hash would get off on watching dirty whores sucking cock. Then again, maybe that happens once the Wankers go home.

Instead of seeing some live Porn, I get to meet Just Peter (yes, that is his real name) who Came because of Decoy. Oh, and by the way, Decoy gave us a great rendition of that union when he gobbled a huge sausage at the Apres. That's it Decoy, show the lone Bimbo how it's done. Bravo Baby!

Osama Bin Hashing, Grab Bag, and Cums & Runs are all in Jeans, so I know there's going to be some walking, which is just as well since I have Tuberculosis and will probably be dead in a day or two. Klingon, Everyday Asshole, and Trunk gather around, and it's time to Circle Up.

We're filled in on the trail (dead of course - OE you suck), 3 beerstops (OE, I take it back!!!), and one boob check (Die you Fat Fucking Bastard!!), and further explanations of other marks that I won't pay attention to anyhow since I just follow everyone else.

So, we're off and mostly walking with a few fucking overachievers such as Just Cock, er um, I mean Just Peter, Klingon, Decoy, and Trunk heading the pack.

Cums & Runs is giving Tech Support calls while on trail for work. That's real dedication and pure stupidity, to your job, as well as to Hashing. Well done.

We continue on, past some bums, and through a dumping ground, and Deathwish finds a small toy car. Kind of like a Big Wheel, but missing the pedals. Perfect! Finders Keepers.

First Beer Check- Yeah!!!! The pack decends down a ravine towards a raging river. Meanwhile, I'm coughing blood and curled in a fetal position on the ground while trying to avoid touching the used condoms. Deathwish drives the toy car down the ditch towards the rest of the pack and the river. How the Hell did he squish his body into that thing??? Fucking VRRROOOOMMMMMM!!!

We're having tasty beverage, DW finds a vine and swings across the raging river of feces (Thanks again Decoy for pointing that out). That's my man, never afraid to roll around in someone else's waste. After a few successful Tarzan swings across the river, the pack moves on.

Off to the next beer stop. Wow, I don't really think I've ever seen so many bums before, and I don't think they've seen too many blondes that still have thier teeth. Now I'm kinda glad it's a Sausage Fest. I'm sticking with the boys. I sure don't think Everyday Asshole can save me. Grab Bag looks like more of a runner than a fighter - same with Cums & runs. Where's Trunk when you need him?? Hey, Osama Bin Hashin looks pretty scary, I'll tag with him.

We're following Flour, and watching DW race his little car down hills into busy traffic. Oh, by the way, Thank You Again Grab Bag for stopping those cars. I don't like my DW flat, inflated yes, flat - no.

Who's that behind us? I thought I was in the back of the pack! It's Dancing Fool! Whoooo Hoooo! Now we can throw trash on the gound! Love this guy!

Second Beer stop is finally found at a Bar. Thanks OE for hiding the BN. You piece of shit. Very Clever - you can only see it if you are standing in the Bar Parking Lot and looking towards the trail.

Drink, Drink, Drink, and we're off. Decoy suggests that Deathwish climb into a long piece of pipe lying in the street, and of course, he does. At first the rest of the pack starts to roll the pipe down a steep hill, but then a voice of reason (Everyday Asshole?) brings up the fact that DW will probably die in the process. So instead they pick it up (well, mostly Trunk picks it up), and stands it straight so that DW can't get out. Trapped!! Ah, but he contorts his body and frees himself once more. Damn, I thought I had an out!! Guys, we have to try harder next time.

On and On and On we go. What is that??? Wait a minute, what is that passing me????!!! Holy shit, that's DW in his toy car on the fucking highway with a line of cars behind him. Baby, the speed limit only goes down to 40! Pick up the pace! I can't believe they didn't try to pass him, I guess that's why he was riding the center line.

Oh Hey!! There's Vagina Whiner!!! Lost Again??? Holy crap, that boy couldn't find his way into a whore's panties. Um, yeah, I might be wrong about that one.

On and On and On we go again. On the bridge, Grab Bag meets a homeless female friend and invites her to Hash. Man, she looks totally wasted. Should should fit right in.

Hey, where the fuck did the flour go? Grab Bag and DW decide we should walk up a questionable road to find the trail. Where the fuck are we, and why is everyone Hispanic around here? I thought this was Central PA? It looks like the fucking Alamo. Hey do you know English? WHERE'S A BAR? you know, BAR???

Grab Bag picks up a tampon off the street. Later, while eating cheesy poofs, he licks his filthy tampon fingers. Yum - Cheesy Poofs with Red Sauce anyone?

Finally, again, a hidden BN - OE you fucker! We find the BAR, and the rest of the fucks are busy drinking. A roar of "you assholes" arise when we enter. I sit on DW's lap and hump him a bit. The Wankers watch. It's all fun. Really - Bimbo's - don't you wish you were there?

Time to head back (Who said Head? I'll have some of that), and fuck that fucking OE trail. Yeah, I missed the boob check. No titties on trail this time boys. Too many Johns, Bums, Crackwhores, and gang members. My beauties are only for the Hashers, not the common folk.

So we're back, and we're circled. Deathwish does the honors of RA, and CHAOS ENSUES:

First, there's a Cheesy Poof Fight, which I still maintain the DW won with his Cheesy Poof cannon ball mouth technique. He really can take out your eye.

Klingon has a naked headless Barbie tied to his scrotum. No lie. He will not reveal the reason. Believe me, I asked.

Trunk has on a skirt, and Everyday Asshole is bitching that he shouldn't wear that pattern (Hey, there were a bunch of Bimbos on Trail afterall!). It's a fucking skirt, if you have the same one, just don't wear them on the same day girls. No reason to get in a little kitty kat fight.

Decoy does a down down for his little punk ass bitch Just Peter, who ended up being an FRB. Way to take one for your bitch Decoy. You'd make a great bimbo!

Osama Bin Hashing is laughing non-stop either like an insane asylum escapee, or someone that just did a huge hit of acid. I'm still not entirely sure which category to put this one in.

Dancing Fool is using my cell phone to call 1-900 numbers.

Whiner is whining like a bitch.

OE showed me his testacles. Why does that happen everytime I go to a Reading Hash!!!

Grab Bag is eating more Potato chips than I've ever seen a skinny man eat in my life. Why didn't you just turn that fucking bag over into your open mouth. My god!

I hold a flag that's supposed to sing to American Anthem, but instead sounds like a long mouse fart because the batteries are dying. We all salute the Veterans.

There's a rendition of Swing Low, and we are on to the apres.

And Finally,

Whiner gets lost AGAIN!!! Then he orders nachos covered with congealed dick spooge.

Oh, and Trunk reveals that he subscribes to Runners World. Really??? Get the Fuck out of here!

So, in closing

Shitty Trail

But a lot of fun. You guys are alright, you Fucks.

On On

Yeast of Burden