For all those who missed today's hash, which was quite a number, you must have a life besides hashing.  Even Over Exposed wasn't there!  Me and Delia made sure to arrive in plenty of time and found a nice parking spot in the shade.  It wasn't hardly a beer later that many more hashers started to arrive, sort of like pop corn popping in a microwave.  By hash starting time of 2 PM a crowd of about 20 had popped in for the hash.  Bein' it was a Reading hash a good number of their group showed, H5 made a strong appearance, and Cause for Blindness was the other visitor.  I guess the other hashers were roasting at a family Bar-B-Q or smart enough to take their family and watch nubile pubescent young women at the local swimming pool.  Prickly Pete made it just as we were about leave Big Rig's air conditioned with cold beer apartment with some lame ass excuse that he hadn't been hashing for about a year because he was working on his house.  We forgave his transgressions as we left Big Rig's air conditioning, and cold beer, for this Sunday's trail on a nice warm humid day.

 

    We got about a hundred yards and arrived at Big Rig's horse hauling machine.  It was well furnished with hay bales and Barcoloungers.  It also had a pole but none of the bimbos took the opportunity to dance on it, maybe it was the lack of music.  Who the hell ever heard of a horse trailer without music!  The horse trailer had to be at least 40 feet long, I wished I had asked the specifics about what powered the trailer to places like Florida, Kentucky, or elsewhere.  With a warning to keep all body parts inside the trailer we were off to destination unknown with only a gallon of beer.  After about 10 minutes we arrived at a self storage place.  I've wondered that being it's a "Self Storage" type place could I store myself there, but I guess that's another storage.  Big Rig got his 12 minutes and immediately led us into some nice shiggy.  It was nice because the poison ivy was low and there were not a lot of thorns.  It wasn't a long distance till we came to a beer check in a power cut.  There was a cool view and plenty of beer.  We gave up on the thought of catching the hare and enjoyed the cold beer, companionship, and the nice view. 

 

    The trail continued through the nice humid woods paralleling a major highway for not another long way till we came upon a shot check.  Villa Massa Limoncello Liqueur from Sorrento Italy.  It tasted lemony.  I know that because I took the bottle home in my Bag-O-Shit so we didn't leave it in the woods.  Just what we needed, beer and shots before we got to the most ankle turning mile part of the trail.  Though I think Just Lays There whacked her knee in the section before the first beer check.  We worked off a perfectly good buzz negotiating this part of the trail till we again heard the call of "Beer Near".  This had to be one of the coolest parts of the trail because as we descended the last hundred yards into the little stream bed in the valley the ambient temperature must have dropped from around 90 degrees, who the hell took the degree mark off the key board, to about 75 degrees.  The beer check was here.  I do feel the need to comment that the beer and shot checks were in cool, as in neat, places.

 

    One of the neatest parts of trail came next in the form of an about 4 foot high drainage tunnel that I think ran under the Turnpike and 176 for about 125 yards.  What made this tunnel neat was that it went about a hundred yards and made a slight left for the next 25 yards and you couldn't see the end of tunnel for quite a while.  Another cool aspect was that at about 75 yards in there was some kind of vertical inspection tunnel 100 feet high with a manhole cover that maybe was in the middle of the west bound Turnpike lane.  I only climbed up about 15 feet and waited.  Delia sort of freaked out but once she figured out where I was she was OK.  I'm hanging on this ladder about 15 feet up beCause I hear Cause for Blindness singing her way through the tunnel with the rest of the pack.  I didn't scare her too badly and then realized the about 4 hashers left were still back at the beer check dutifully finishing off the beer.  I checked out the end of the tunnel and went back to the ladder and waited as I could hear the remaining hashers coming.  It might be important to mention that where the ladder was the tunnel went from 4 feet to 3 feet 9 inches.  It was here when COGO was walking by I heard this noise that sounded like "THACK", the sound of a golf club hitting a golf ball.  Not a Titanium driver with the ping, more like a wood.  COGO said, "I'm OK, I'm OK" but we all know that is going to leave something for her Phrenologist to feel. 

 

    Up a hill, through the woods, under an electric fence, and onto a trail through a field that looks like Mary Poppins should be singing the Sound of Music and into a cow pasture we were.  I'm not sure if the cows were coming to greet the hashers or Delia but they were ambling toward us.  There's another story about Delia getting clocked in the head by a cow while we were fishing but that's another story.  There must not have been any bulls because none of them were running.  I don't know because I didn't stop to check.  The trail didn't go much further till it went into the stream and back under a major highway.  Bein' there were no cattle guards across the stream I stopped to wonder why cattle didn't wander under the bridge with us.  At the other side of the bridge was another beer check!  By this time the FRB's were tired of waiting for the pack and were probably back at Big Rig's but I wouldn't know about that. 

 

    We hump it up the last hill and see the circus tent that Big Rig has set up for us.  Rat's, it's just a shopping mall promotion so we start on the about half mile journey back to the real Big Rig place.  It was fun walking past the Little League game with Delia on a leash and watching the kids and adults trying not to watch me.  Now might be the time to mention that I had recreated the Ghetto Pirate costume complete with the pink flamingo on my shoulder.  Only the flamingo now looked kind of dead.  The outfit just wont look the same after I take the tags off to wash it. 

 

    Meanwhile back at Big Rig's circle was held and hashers were dismembered for crimes such as falling on trail, visiting, and what other stupid stuff that could be made up.  Charcoaled hot dogs and hamburgers were consumed and the pack split up, some going home and others going to a bar somewhere.

 

    Thanks to Big Rig who if I'm correct helped Jello Slut and Doodle move on Saturday and set the trail for Sunday.  I know that other people brought stuff and helped too, so thanks to all who made this a truly shiggy day.

 

                                                                    On On
                                                                Fart Connor