Celebrating The Freedom To Hash!

Reading Hash House  Harriers  - Independence Day 2006

I often wonder why I was born in the greatest nation on Earth. While I do not know what caused me to be born here and not in some third world shit hole, I am an extremely grateful to be an American.

Tradition is the hallmark of Independence Day and the Reading Hash marked our freedom this year by a July 3rd Pissup and our annual gathering before dawn on Mt Penn on July 4th.

Thirty wankers mingled in the decreasing darkness to eat donuts, drink beer and socialize. Along with a motley collection of old and new Readingites we had the honor of visitors from Harrisburg-Hershey, Hockessin and Philly.

FLAMER didn't disappoint as he unleashed barrage after barrage of pyrotechnic mania including one out of control rocket that ripped JUSTLENORA's contact lens off her finger as she was about to lay it on her eye.  A search party was organizing when she found it seared to her leg in a cruddy mixture of rocket fuel.  Being a natural born hasher she put it in anyway and reported a slight buzz and lack of vision from the chemical concoction.

RH3 has a reputation for on time hash starts and no trail begins more promptly. We barely had time for the "Ceremonial Mooning of the Fags" when the cry of "Hares Up"

Our sole virgin, JUSTCLAUDE, looked bewildered as the hares explained the marks. Thankfully his mentor was the benevolent DICK DA DICK. At this point the virgin still believed DDDs pledge that this trail would be short, flat and beer-laden. More on this in a few!

As the satellite-synch'd GPS clock tolled 0539 DECOY began the trail laying.  More beers were consumed from BADs truck as patriotic music played from a cassette tape that was mixed for the very first Independence Day Hash.  It squeeked and groaned and skipped but most of the songs were still understandable. Nothing like Johnny Horton's "Battle of New Orleans" at the ass-crack of dawn!

Before long the pack was off through the always interesting woods of Mt Penn. Years after the salons, restaurants, bowling alley, railroad and park vanished the slopes are still littered with the ghostly remnants of their past. This mountain was a happening place and even some of the long-time hashers and those who do the Mt Penn trail runs are sometimes heard to say, "wow, I have never seen THAT before!"

As the distance away from the ONON grew I noticed that some of the hashers faces began looking apprehensive. Sure enough, it was the people who had recently hashed NFB's alcohol-less NEW BOOT HASH on this very mtn.  Thankfully, their fear was soon alleviated by a refreshing beer check.

Events sort of blend together at this point as our virgin, JUSTCLAUDE, faced the cold hard facts that this trail was turning into a beee-atch.

The life of a tavern owner apparently lends itself in no way, shape or form to cardio fitness as the poor bastard chugged along through the woods - sweat pumping from him like a broken fire house and his heart pounding so loud that I could hear it from 100 feet away.

At one point he was so dehydrated that he started walking consistently to the right. DICK DA DICK's compassionate side broke through and he advised his charge that he had better start walking straight (not because the right tilt is a sign of dehydration) but because it "only makes the trail longer!"  Too funny.  We did keep an eye on him and forced him to take breaks. At one point we had to rewire the wrist GPS and deliver a 200j defib shock to him but it was enough to get him going.

He may never hash again but he did invite the HHH to apres at his pub and kept at it until trail's end. The hare's explained that there would be three significant mark's - the first two being BNs and the last a mark to signal you to grab your campchair and drybag. Somehow we missed the last one and rolled into the apres site - at the legendary Kuegler's Roost wine cellar -  to find everyone lounging in the woods in their chairs, BADman at the grill and cold beers being hoisted.

A quick run back to the dumpsite and we had our chairs, grabbed some grub and got ready to get the circle started.

Poptarts, chili dogs, cold beer, cigars and Vitamins Y and O.... other than a shortage of H20 for the Muslims all was in order - and it wasn't even 9AM!!

Our visitors were recognized although they sure do speak oddly down in Delaware. GIRLY BOY was called forth and a toast was raised to him living through his deployment to Iraq. Someone said they saw his wife throwing a paper entitled, "Things To Buy With GIRLY's SGLI" into the fire. It is good to have him back. We then recognized him as the FRB (some things never change) and had him relate his tale of finding a couple in the woods. They were busy celebrating independence by the application of oral pleasures.

As the girl jumped up and tried to get dressed, GIRLY ran by and left out a might shout of "ON ON!!!".  Imagine them telling that story to their friends.....

DFL was of course our new friend, JUSTCLAUDE.  By now he was smiling and liking hashing a whole lot better than when he was on trail with his vital organs swelling to 10x their normal size. Come back again!  Two guys who looked like members of the Village People were surprised to find a party going on as they pranced down the trail. I suspect we were intruding upon their plans to cruise the Hershey Highway. They didn't even stop at our offer of cold beer. F'ing poofters. I think FLAMER tried to launch some bottle rockets at them but they escaped.

HORN OF PLENTY was recognized for a July 3rd birthday.  CUMS FAITHFULLY was called forth and DECOY told the story of his arrival.  Pulling into the parking lot CUMS said he had made a huge jug of mimosa.  Unfortunately it had spilled. DECOY asked, " you mean there is NONE left?".  His reply?  "Not unless you want to lick my trunk"  Without hesitation or objection he was deemed, from that day there and forever more, to be renamed, LICK MY TRUNK. Sometime everything comes together perfectly and perfect hash names are formed.

COUSIN IT announced his baseball hash event, the HOCKESSINIANS announced their crab feast hash, ANGEL told of the POWER OF THE POOHSAY and our next hash was declared a mini road trip on July 10th as the TMI Full Mooner is being held nearby. Our neighbors to east also reminded us that Hockessin is not much more than 1hr away and we were welcome anytime.  I agree and plan to jet down sometime soon. Of course, they are welcome at the RH3 also - especially the lovely and gracious THUNDER THIGHS!

The hash was ended in the traditional blessing.

Carbacks were soon announced and we bid farewell to friends new and old. Another Reading Independence Day Hash was in the bag. A great time was had by all.

Soon after a very sweaty F*CK NANA came crashing out of the woods - having arisen late from his fart sack - he rushed down from the Lehigh Valley to find the pack well on its way. Having been a victim of the previous week's shameful beerless hash - he was pleasantly surprised to find some PBRs still on trail - discoveries which surely aided in his successful solo completion of the trail.

The foolish, homeless and hopeless continued to socialize as the skies darkened. Polka music now entertained us although not nearly as much as the contest to shoot bottle rockets at DECOY's exposed ass. BAD even apologized for having turkey dogs and warned those with an "avian aversion" to beware.

The rest of the pack helped carry the remaining apres articles back to the road and before long the event was just a mammary, I mean memory (sorry EAGER).

Well done hares, well done!

Submitted this 5th day of July, 2006

OVEREXPOSED

Compare this photo of the wine cellar to the postcard shown above