Reading Hash House Harriers #646

Our own bloody valentines hash - trash

Four or five months ago BETWEEN DICKS & LITTLE BITTY TITTY  volunteered to hare a trail. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months and finally they committed to a date: Sunday February 12th 2006.  Everything was in order - experienced hounds, virgin hounds, new boot hounds - all ready to come to Reading to run trail.

Then a snow storm moved in and dropped many inches of fresh frozen precipitation.  "What effect does this have one the hash?", some asked. The experienced wankers firmly stated the expected answer - "Why, NONE of course, hashes don't get cancelled because of weather".  How wrong that prognosticator was! 

Somehow, the Gang of Four - BD, LBT, CUMS WHEN SHE PLEASES and her boytoy JUSTBRIAN - decided to cancel, excuse me, POSTPONE, the trail. Needless to say this decision caused a ripple effect that rolled across the Reading hashing area and as far away as Minnesota. This became the first trail EVER cancelled in Reading!!

At 2:05PM WILLOW spotted a single cloud in the blue sky and was worried the hares might deem it a snow cloud and cancel the hash. The hares soon arrived at the ONON after checking their trail "to make sure the flour didn't blow away".  A circle was formed and introductions held. The hares sported custom-made matching red tshirts. 

SWAMP THING took off across Rt 61 in his skin-tight blue jean-printed poofter pants as the pack staggered forward. We soon encountered a X and the pack continued on in a nearly straight line through a small woods. Turns out this lead to a big fat F because nobody bothered to check right where they would have seen the giant flour globs.

The trail followed the emerald green river and soon came to a great BN location under an ancient stone bridge (1.5+ miles into the trail). No BN was seen and no beer found although FART CONNOR tried climbing into one of the cubby holes to make sure.

Eventually several of the hares were spotted on a railroad overpass - dangling a pinata toward the beer-starved hounds. DECOY gave it a symbolic wack or two before tearing it down to expose pounds of candy, condoms, tampons and other niceties.

The single gallon of beer was an insanely low volume of fluid for the size of the pack. Luckily, bottle rockets were discovered in the love package and the ensuing idiocracy distracted most of the pack from their thirst. 

The trail continued down the tracks and through the forewarned cornfield - site of a future massive housing development  - past an orchard and through a weedfield.  It turned out that weed farmers in these parts take their non-medicinal weeds very seriously. Two rednecks in a jeep soon appeared and announced that we all were trespassing and that they had three "guard dogs" in their truck.  It was unclear if they knew we were walking through their weedfield because they saw the pack or because BIGRIG had walked up to one of their homes because he thought he heard "ONON" and that the house was a beercheck! 

As the DFL, JUSTKATHY, trodded on the hillbillys drove slowly behind her - either insuring our departure or because they enjoyed her badonkadonk.

BN#2 was found somewhere around Mile 4 (hmmm, 4 miles divided by 2 BC = 1 BC every 2 miles - a far cry further than the recommended 1BC/mile SOP).  FART CONNOR and Delia relaxed in the sun on a giant haypile and surprisingly beer remained for the DFLs.

LBTs development was now in site and the stragglers moved out with renewed vigor. Someone smelled BBQ and saw a large plume of smoke. Maybe that was TITTYs home and he was there right now grilling some tasty treats!!

It wasnt but it was close and soon the HHH was spotted and the pack was in. Shoes had to remain outside Rancho el Titty but hashers were allowed inside.  A glorious spread of food and beer was displayed for our enjoyment. Mouths were stuffed and the NASCAR fanclub followed its newly elected leader, ALFRED E, to the TV.

About 30minutes passed before a circle was declared.  Due to the shame brought on the RH3 by the cancellation of the hash - four tubs of icy snow were drug out and the hares were iced - possibly the first time this has ever happened in Reading. Something tells me that these hares havent seen the last down down for their stupidity!!

Note that BOTH bimbos claimed some sense of modesty and refused to bare their tushies while the wangdoodles applied flesh to ice.  We need to start training our harriets better.

JUSTJILL got out of a down down for blabbering on her cellphone on trail. Seems that her routine business couldnt wait until AFTER the trail. She escaped a downdown by simply LEAVING the hash BEFORE the circle. Bad etiquette.  SWAMPTHING's virgin (either JUSTJIM or JUSTMARK) entertained the circle by his obvious love of singing, beer and bimbos. ALFRED E and ANALIZER earned future downdowns by NOT coming forth when the GM asked "Are there any birthdays or anniversaries?" - seems to me that if they were named on Feb 20th 2005 and this trail was February 19th - that's an anniversary!

JUSTKATHY was finally named RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE after her fascination with a condom in the love box. Its about time as she has come and gone from our beloved kennel for some time.

The circle was ended and festivities were continued inside with the main entertainment being condom inflating by FART and the alcohol-free in Februrary EVERYDAY ASSHOLE

The next RH3 trail is March 5th - a hare is needed.  Regos for the April 1st 650th event are available at the website. The AGM is Friday April 7th 2006.

OE

Trailmaster